My dad has been sick for a while and about a year ago we found out it was liver cancer. We all thought he was doing well and he was going to Mt Sinai and on chemo and the liver donor list. Well, 4 months ago we found out that he was taken off the list as the latest catscan showed that the cancer has grown out of the liver and my dad wouldn’t survive the surgery. He doesn’t want to die but he has accepted that there’s really nothing else that can be done for him.
For the last 4 months I have gone to see him a couple of times (I live in New York and he is in New Jersey, plus I have had quite a few colds and sinus infections and he can’t be around anyone that is sick). Every time I see or talk to him I can tell he is getting weaker. I just spoke to him yesterday and he said that a few days ago the hospital pumped his stomach and he didn’t know why but he didn’t think it helped. He also told me that over the last 48 hours he had slept 43 away. Does this mean that it’s almost time? I know that he has been in a lot of pain and I know it’s coming but is there anyone that can tell me what to expect as it gets closer? The hospital has been doing great with painkillers and he goes in to get fluids every couple of days but no one has told him what to expect or how long they think he has (they just say it’s a matter of time).
Also, is it true that he will just slip into a coma? I don’t want him to have a really painful death. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. I love my dad and I want to be able to help with with anything he needs (even if I can’t physically be there).
November 8th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Has your Doctor ordered Hospice in ???? They are a wonderful organization that will help you with questions and make sure he is comfortable ….. Ask your dad if he would like to talk to a pastor or clergy ?? usually the hospital will provide …. they will help him of how to deal with his impending death ..
AND for you !!! you need someone yourself !!!
we all want to remember dad playing ball with us, this is a step in life that we have to deal with so reach out to a specialist who is trained in this to help u deal with your thoughts and emotions … by all means spend as much time as u can … I did not with my mom as it hurt seeing her like that but 20 years later i regret it …. see him !!!
one minute at a time …. god bless your dad a u !!!
November 8th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Well you’ll probably expect lots of coughing and and choking. If the hosplital cant help than nothing can be done.
so sad!
November 8th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
My heart goes out to you. I watched both of my grandparents succomb to cancer. It is a terrible, sad thing to watch and go through. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I think this would be a good thing for you to read. Maybe you can join a support forum and discuss your thoughts and fears with these people who are going through or have been through the same thing as you. Best of luck to you!
November 8th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. It’s difficult to say what will and won’t happen, and how long he has. But a matter of time is not a helpful answer.
I really can’t give you a guess either.
You can request the hospital staff to make sure your father is medicated enough to not have to feel the pain and suffering he could possibly experience. In my grandmother’s case, she had kidney failure, and she fell into a coma. The doctors said she wold sputter and cough and basically drown in her own fluids (also had congestive heart failure) but she ended up just going to sleep one day(coma), and then passed away peacefully. One minute she was breathing, then she let out a breath and never breathed again.
Your dad might have a similar experience. The liver helps filter toxins in the body. if it shuts down, so other organs will shut down. he’ll probably slip into a coma and die.
Doctors sometimes forget that the people that are left to watch a loved one die might not have any experience at all. Sit with her doctor and let them know your concerns and questions.
November 8th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
That’s awful. I’m so sorry. ):
Well, unfortunately, I think he’s already in pain. All you can do is talk to him (even over the phone! or letters!).
I think he will pass away soon if he’s sleeping that much and it’s been that long… ):
If you need anyone to talk to, please email me.
I think you should just get use to the idea that he might pass away anytime, and that if you need to tell him anything, do it now.
Best of wishes,
Faith.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:46 am
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Death is part of Life. If you cannot be by his side, tell him you Love him and be prepared to say goodbye and you will see him again. I never got a chance to say goodbye to my Father and Mother. It will help in the long run to express your Love for him.If you are able to be by his side when he passes, take it as a gift. It will mean everything to him knowing he is surrounded by those who Love him in his final hours.When that time comes and goes, do not look at the door that has closed. Look for another that is about to open for it will help in recovering from it. My thoughts and prayers are with you
November 9th, 2009 at 4:56 am
Thats a really hard thing to go through and I am very sorry. My friends dad died from liver cancer and now 5 months after he died her mom just found out she has bone cancer thats killing her. I know that when her dad got really close he knew it was time. He actually asked everyone to leave the room for a little while didn’t say why just that he wanted some time alone and when they came back in he had died. There isn’t a whole you can do besides just sit back. Just make sure you talk to him as much as you can and tell how much you love him as much as you can, try to make him as comfortable as possible so it will be as painless as possible. Again I’m really sorry.